if only i can embark on a peaceful side of life,
maybe just, just 3 peaceful days by the country side is fine. 
i could really use some getaways now.




no matter what, one day, we'll all walk this lonely route of life.
it's either we face it, or we escape it.


it's kind of annoying, this feeling.
it's like you want to open up to someone but, who?
some of them can't help, some of them are full of worries themselves.
it's kind of annoying isn't it.




because i label myself as stupid.
why am i doing all these?
hug me if you can, i really need one now.
maybe because i realised, life is short.




final score. biomedical science at temasek polytechnic.
i wish myself to have a very fruitful and meaningful three years ahead.
be it tough, hard, excruciatingly pain, i will endure those shit.
okay, thanks, bye.


the lingo which almost everyone who watches tv will know! MALAYSIA.

constantly having different/new thoughts. 

no matter how pessimistic a person may be, i believe every now and then, they need a little positive words, better still a motivator. although those are just cheap words, but still, it will definitely lighten up their gloomy mood. 
i have this point of view. but maybe not everyone will agree with my statement.
but still, i believe everyone needs a little happy crappy talk or encouragements, to keep them going.
i felt like that yesterday, feeling so many contraries. luckily i let it out, and ian was like telling me positive views. this is definitely shocking, because all along i didn't know he was that positive. ahhaha.
well i really do miss some people from 11s22 ): may all of you not flunk in A's! so encouraging isn't it.




i'm currently waiting for this fucker.
he said he will wake up at 1pm. now 5pm alr still haven't reply my sms. dafuq?
and it's an off day for me! (after working for 7 days straight)
but how did i spend it so far?
by rotting at home. seriously, having holidays without your friends is such a torture. 
before SOPA took actions, i enjoyed watching GA online. now i can't fucking find it anywhere because they removed megaupload. 
and furthermore, the rest of my friends, currently in poly, all are having school, so i can't possibly meet any of them due to their busy schedule, or their pathetically tiring lives. 
but by march, i think everyone would be free! haha. can go chalet, go malaysia (if possible).
and yes, quitting my job by march! 




so, by march, after quitting my job, i have plans! gonna bleach my hair, maybe highlight with some funky colours as well.
anyway, still haven't got my second piercing ): maybe this sunday whereby i got another off day. 
working now seems kind of boring? the only purpose is to kill time. haven't really changed since september huh. kind of find it a chore as well. lol. 
also, you can guess which is me in the photo! although there are only 2 possibilities of it being me because they look pretty decent. 
oh and yes, jc students started school yesterday! so sad i didn't have a chance to look at my juniors miserable expressions, lol. 






having that said. i got into Temasek Polytechnic, Biomedical Science (T27).
i wanted to appeal to either np/sp bms, but my COP didn't meet. so screw it. since TP has accepted me, i'll accept TP as well.
although i can appeal to SP's biotechnology, but i'll be giving it a miss. i don't have the guarantee of doing well in that course, and biomed IS my dream course, so why should i give it up?
so now, i'm kind of looking forward to the orientation camp! i think i've changed? i used to dislike camps, but now i am actually looking forward to it.
moreover, this camp isn't compulsory, unlike jc's orientation camp, it is. lol.
so, good luck to me in TP! the most happening poly i guess. woooooooooooooohoooooooooooo.


i thank myself for making that mistake.
i am really starting to freak out. i seriously do not know what to do.
if only life had model answers, answers that cleared every single doubt you had, then we can live without having that very emotion, fear.




can someone please, just clear my doubts?
i really don't want any more regrets.


why do they affect me?
i think pouring out to something dead is kind of useless. everytime after i blog, i don't actually FEEL the burden being lifted off, although i say it does, but actually it doesn't. so why am i still blogging? it's like a total waste of time whereby i am seeking attention by posting crap that makes readers grow interested by reading and maybe going "oh so sad, oh so pitiful, oh serves him right". lol. that's why i didn't private my blog. because these are some things that you can know, but i won't initiate to talk about it unless you ask me about it. so that means i have things i never talk about?
who doesn't? don't try to deny because everyone has secrets. and secrets are not meant to be shared, not spreading it to your curious friends. that way, it won't be a secret.




i'm not gonna stop blogging completely, i'll just blog if i have the mood and time.
but i already find it pointless. too bad.


perceptions do change.
time to talk about my JAE application!
submitted on the first day of application. well. i really really hope to at LEAST get into biomedical science at tp now. this constant paranoia is just a killer. silent killer.
so technically, my choices consists of biomedical science and biotechnology. reason being that only these 2 courses can get me to my ultimate goal, medicine. hehe. i won't change my mind. 
so how about yours? actually i don't really care.




jpsae. because i didn't have enough points for sp/np bms, i wanted to try jpsae. i read this online but nic told me just apply. ok. i rushed out my portfolio, even though the next day i had to work. when i wanted to submit, "you are not an eligible applicant" because i didn't sit for 2011 O levels.
sigh. if everything really don't go as expected, i'll just have to appeal. and hopefully my portfolio will come in handy.
please please please let me get into my first 3 choices ):
heard so many facts about the jae thing. if i really get into biotech instead. i really don't know how to face myself.




so far, i find working at sentosa great! it's been a very positive experience for me! although sometimes bitter, but i admit it was my fault. like doing unnecessary refunds and stuffs like that. but! people there are FRIENDLY. seems like i'm the most quiet one there. LOL. force me to talk and i'll try.
comparing this, and last year, my f&b work experience can really suck balls.




crazy shit. my cny plus own shopping. hopefully i can claim back at least $100. hehe.
money is always the constant worry. without it, we can't do much. 
sigh.
most of my friends are at least attached once. i'm so sad and jealous. 
and jae is also another worry for now. i really want the results to out asap. i want to know whether i get to go into my desired course or not!
BE HAPPY, OK.




i can't wait to get into dragonboat/kayak/canoe this year. plus point, can get tanner as well.
i'm so gonna push myself damn hard this 3 coming years. DETERMINATION PLEASE STAY.


renewal of faith and luck.
here's a proper post for the year 2011, the final memories all recollected and ready to be shared. it may not be as awesome as yours, but it indeed brought me back so many memories that are worth to remember, some even for life.
one of the BEST BEST moments of my life yet, i drew blood from another person! i was super nervous at that point of time, but, it was so so so damn worth it. i felt, like a sense of achievement. i actually did something medical. o m g. 
felt partially scared, like what if i screw up? what if i inserted the needle at the wrong angle?
yes. everyone will have this uncertainties in life, the negative side. but i did it. i successfully drew blood out from th! awesome moment max. she's lucky she was able to keep her own blood, but i couldn't ): because she failed to draw mine. 




one of the saddest thing in 2011, is that i lack of independence. if i didn't depend so much on th, i would have been able to watch an actual surgery. well, cannot blame th also, because she was not very interested in that area. ahhhh! really regretted not mustering the courage to approach the gen surgery team. lesson learnt then. must MUST be independent, and seize any chance if there is any. really, once you experienced that mistake, it's much more easier to actually change that flaw of yours.
seeing my not so close friend posting on fb that he actually got to watch a surgery, for stitching and cleaning up an open wound of a patient who recently got an amputation of a leg. i seriously am fucking jealous of him. i have never ever seen anything so raw like that before right before my very eyes. sigh. i hope i'll get a chance in my internship during final year in poly.




another of the optimistic side, is that i've discovered new friends from jjc, and learnt to cherish my friends from bmss as well. without them, i think i'll just be another loner walking by the streets. although some of them have a not so pleasant characteristics, but it's just them. you'll get the hang of it once in a while. 
for the jc side, i really miss those times where we'll literally bitch about every teacher we see, having dirty talks, haters gonna hate, and lepaking in pe lessons(this only applies to me and ian though). i'm glad 11s22 peeps have made it through half way. another last lap for your A's people! you can do it la. all mug tgt with FRM can alr. provided the frm still have their frm spirits... 
for the sec sch side, i really appreciate those who made the effort to actually meet up, regardless of tired or what. although some like to pangseh last min, i think you're not putting enough efforts. kind of selfish too. did you ever think how tired i was too? jc life isn't very slack you know. anyway, the best things in life are for us to discover, so break that comfort zone of yours people! let's go ubin and camp. lol.
for the work side, really thankful that yf, sh, brian and aaron happened to work there. without them, i think i would have quitted less than a month. why? because we talk a lot of crap. and that kills lot's of time, therefore making time pass faster. you know ios, it's damn quiet and really really can get very boring as well. so lucky me.




the negative part? hmmmmm. having wasted a year. yes a year, because i quitted jc half way. kind of remorseful for not listening to my parents that time, but take it as a lesson learnt. so somehow, can say it's a half positive half negative thing that happened.
there are certain things that we don't have the need to elaborate. if i say no, i mean it.
and then, the part where..... my hard earned money is being used by my mom. kind of sad, but it's alright. can't account for all these year's pocket money she gave to me. it's like i owe her a lifetime. so in future, if you wanna have kids, don't have them because they're cute. have them only if you have the ability to support them for almost their whole life ok.




okay. so that's it. because the rest of my memories are deteriorating. i couldn't remember the rest. partially stm is to blame though.
so, i've made my decisions on the poly and courses i want. i'm just awfully waiting for 9th jan. others receiving their o's results. while i, am going to apply online. SHALL TRY TO BE THE FIRST HAHAHA. although it doesn't make any difference, but just wanna apply early. so i can actually put my mind at half ease. the other half will be in suspense until like end of jan, whereby the postings are sent via smses! oh, i really hope i can get into my 2nd choice.. hahah. kind of impossible though.
and please, false hopes like " can one la, you so smart" doesn't work on me. in my mind, i'm just replying with "k". not really giving a fuck. sad.


starting all over afresh. i can do it.

abouthim

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